TRANSITION

Before I get into this, let me just give you all a piece of advice... if you're going to eat tortilla chips and salsa, DON'T make a nice cup of tea to go with it... because it DOESN'T go with it.  It gets ruined.  Not only will your taste buds recoil at such a bizarre combination, but they'll literally feel like they're being seared off by the heat of the tea, after already having been "burnt" by the salsa.  It's like drinking acid.  Don't do it.  Oh, and don't do it at 11pm, either.  What a silly idea.  I was just so excited about the new jar of salsa I bought.

Right.  Transition.  I am on QUITE the rollercoaster ride, ladies and gentlemen.  My family knows what I'm getting at, having been with me yesterday... then I cried all the way back to Waterloo.

But then today I was on top of the world!  And I promise I'm not crazy.  It's just that everything is SO AMAZING and SO HARD that it's SO EASY to have extreme feelings (whether good or bad) about it all.  This is probably the biggest transition I've ever made in my life (only those who know me best will understand what I mean by that, because it's so much deeper than simply changing a lifestyle and changing location... it's about destiny at its core, and there's a whole lot of warfare from within and without associated with this bold move!).

Actually, interesting fact... my very first composition (just wrote for tonight's class) was called "Transition".  Write what you know, right???

I had another piano lesson today... I pretty much trainwrecked with my Schubert piece (there's a link to a performance of part of it in a blog below)... very humbling.  And yet... it was quite an enlightening lesson.  She ended up discussing fear with me, and some things she'd noticed.  We went through a couple things under her (very wise) guidance, and at the end of the lesson we had redefined "technique" and she clearly stated (and had me prove to myself by approaching things differently) that I had all the technique (tools) I need to do this piece.  I'd been thinking of it more in terms of: I'm going to practice harder than I ever have before (which I WILL still do, of course) in attempt to become something I'm currently not as a pianist... to possess skills I don't currently possess (and have no idea how or if I'll ever manage to succeed).  I think what I'm discovering (though it still boggles my mind) is that the tools are all here.  It's about learning how to use them.  Not about actually needing to acquire them somehow.  WOW.  Selah!

She proved to me today that I have many, many lies in my head.  From the first lesson, she's been talking about needing to "undo" things and "tear structures down" and get me "unblocked".  She wants me to play from my "core", and said that she wanted me to really think about what's at the root of all this fear... and said that it was likely something deeper than I thought (ie: deeper than just the fact that my piano teacher as a kid was terrifying).  It was kind of like a preliminary inner healing session!

Sooo... this will be a pretty freaking long (and hard) journey.  But I have more hope today than I did yesterday.

I was out walking in the beautiful forest between classes today, and I was (as usual) struck by the idea of life as a path or journey.  I started feeling the weight of it all... then felt like I heard the Lord say, "Rebekah!  On your path I've placed beauty on every side!"  Wow.  He really has.  I am listening to, playing, reading about, writing and analyzing the most beautiful, amazing music.  Music is one of the finer things in life, and I get to be immersed in it - forced to study it! And then I get to be a visual artist too!  What a PRIVILEGE!  Not to mention my living situation, the forests right in my back yard, such loving friends and family who may not be with me physically, but whom I carry with me in my heart!  And of course, the Lord is my constant companion.  He really is MORE THAN ENOUGH for me!  I just need to remember that more often and really draw from him when I need to.

I heard this repeated about a billion times during an IHOP set last weekend: "I'm going to trust you, God - I'm going to come up leaning" (referring to Song of Songs... the beloved coming up from the desert leaning on her lover's arm), and I've been singing it a WHOLE LOT lately.  Trust is not easy... but then when you DO it... it's easy.  Funny how that works.

Sorry, I know this is long.  Just wanted to give you a really REAL update.

Love you guys... thanks for all your support...