...and by art, I don't mean Art Rader or Art Klassen (for those of you who know these men). Not to rule out the possibility that I actually DO miss both Arts in some small way, deep within. Who knows.
So anyway, ART!
I'm finding that I have no time to focus on ANYTHING other than music and God these days. And, I mean, those are definitely two really awesome things to be focussing on! I don't want to TRADE them for art... I just want to ADD art. I feel like half of me is missing. What do I do? Any suggestions? I honestly, HONESTLY don't have time to paint... and even if I did, I'd kill myself with the fumes (I'm in a basement apartment) and have no natural light, anyway.
Do I actually put my art self on the back burner entirely until April? Seriously, I'm not just griping, I'm asking for suggestions. And before you start giving them, know this... I'm unfortunately not a person who likes doodling or sketching in a little sketchbook. I like PAINTING and doing more intensive stuff. So changing my medium to pencil crayon isn't going to cut it.
I think a big chunk of the feeling of missing art is really more to do with missing living out my full life as my full self. I've never really JUST done art, or JUST done music. But this music stuff is so intense that it's overshadowing almost everything else. And I LOVE that. But I wish I could make every day twice as long so I could live both lives (and possibly have time to actually do some kind of leisurely activity like do a freaking crossword or watch a movie or read a book!!!).
Actually, I did get a book recently, that I'm reading for a few minutes each night before I go to bed... it's called the BIBLE. Ha! Just kidding, it's not - the Bible has moved to more of a late afternoon slot. It's a travel book - non-fiction - by the woman who wrote Under the Tuscan Sun. It's... hmm, what's the word? Delectable, maybe. Savory. I think I've found my new favourite genre. Well, probably not. But there are a million other books in the travel section at Chapters (travel ADVENTURE, not just travel) that I'm eager to read! So appealing! I think once I hit book 3 or 4, I should seriously consider actually GOING somewhere rather than torturing myself. But for now, this will do.
Wow, this post is all over the place! Sorry. Every time I go to write a post, all there is to say is stuff about music! Sorry folks, but you're going to get a llllot of music nerd talk in the days ahead. But today I wanted to get away from it.
You know, when I was at DVSA, all I wanted to tell the other art students about myself was that I was a musician! And now I'm craving my artist identity. Maybe this happens when I feel insecure about one talent... I want to draw from the other. But no, it's not entirely that. I just sincerely love both things... and maybe I'm wrong, but I feel like I NEED both things operating together to feel sane. Can any of you relate in your own way? It's weird to zone in on a singular part of yourself for an extended period of time. I am a WHOLE PERSON. Not just a musician, and ESPECIALLY not just a pianist.
Okay, that's enough of that. I need to go write a piece for piano in the style of Satie's Gymnopedies. Hey - have you guys heard a range of his stuff? I really like it - very Debussy.
Right. Sheeya... love you all.
2 comments:
I hear ya, Ruby. And I can totally relate. Being a surgical resident tends to overshadow everything else at times, even though there's a lot more to me than just surgery. It was more like that the first year and a bit, though, and since then, God's allowed me to balance other things in with it, too. I just had to trust Him that during the time when I couldn't focus on anything else, because I didn't have the time or the energy, it was still there...just necessarily taking a back seat for a little while, while other things (also very important) developed. In time, it will all come together, because God has made us about more than one thing.
So I wouldn't worry too much. It's okay to miss art. And probably there will be times when you find that you do have the time/space to do it, and then go for it. The rest of the time, trust that God has given you passion and gifting in both areas, and that in time, they will both come together, but that for now your main focus is (has to be) music. I suspect that once you get a little more used to school, and once everything isn't so new and overwhelming, there might be more time and energy for other things.
I have to go for my root canal follow-up appointment today, so the guy can decide if he needs to do surgery to finish the job or if it's been adequately done. Great!
You might hate this...but personally, when I'm in that situation, which I am at the mo, I know I need to say goodbye to some things for a while because there are more important things that I need to focus on.
Things that I know I've been called into for that season--and I can't do them well or effectively if I'm dabbling in other things.
And it's not like you'll loose your talent or love of art--it just might need to be put on the shelf for a time. The Lord will let you know when it's time to take it down to play with again.
Also, it takes SO MUCH pressure off when you can say to others (and mainly to yourself) 'nope--I'm not doing that these days. I'm only doing this.' You might miss it from time to time, but it's better than having a half-finished piece laying around frustrating you every time you enter the room. Am I right? Am I right?
Yeah. You know I am.
Miss you friend...
Post a Comment