So yes, I skipped yet another class. What Dan said really stuck in my head (thanks a lot, Unkee D) (how the heck do you spell that?) - now I use it as an excuse - he said if he were a little late for a class, he'd just skip it so he didn't have to walk in late and try to find a seat. Now, this only works for Psych, because we're not marked for attendance. If I started skipping music classes I'd fail in a second!
It was so rainy outside this morning... and I was about to turn in to the school, but decided to drive on by. I drove out to St. Jacob's, which is usually where I head for some reason... got my coffee all screwed up at Tim Horton's, but it ended up being weirdly good - a coffee with mint in it. My car STILL smells like it. It was nice. I sat in my car in the rain for a good half hour in that parking lot (don't worry, the engine was off, I'm not THAT rebellious). I think I actually sighed out loud a few times.
Then I went to Staples and got a 3-hole punch - woohoo! But seriously... it is AMAZING how good errands feel these days. To go places where everyone is an adult and lots of people have kids, and I'm treated and recognized for my age (judging by comments, etc.)... to feel like a working person again, who lives in the real world! SO REFRESHING. I have a hard time with the camp-like nature of university... I mean, if I were younger, it would be SO much fun. But though I can pass for 18 (apparently), my heart is painfully aware that I've been on the planet almost 30 years. I feel like I'm always walking around with some kind of secret - that I don't belong, but I'm pretending I do. Laurie and I were talking about it last weekend, and we figured that it might actually help me out if I TELL people my age. The few I've told are the ones I gravitate towards, because I feel more safe and more real. They're actually becoming friends to me, in a unique "not peer" type of way. Well, they're definitely my peers in terms of music, THAT'S for sure.
Anyway, so after THAT, I wandered around Chapters for about an hour and a half... it was GLORIOUS. I bought Christmas presents for Ryan and Mom, a "somehow hopefully linked to marriage or a shower because I just HAD to get it" present for Claire, and a birthday present for Gill. Woohoo!
Then I practiced HARD CORE for 3.5 hours, and there was next to NO ONE in there with me! I chose the one beside the wall where someone has "vandalized" and written HOPE. Love it. Then I finished all my theory homework for tomorrow and went to choir, and here I am all set to hunker down and write a flute trio. I feel very much on top of things! And peaceful.
Last night I stayed up WAY too late again watching another set where the guy who looks exactly like Dan exploded into a real breakthrough song... I just couldn't go to bed!!! I think something actually SHIFTED. It was crazy (Gill - look it up!). Then I fell asleep on the couch in my clothes. This was all after watching clip after clip of Zeferelli's Jesus of Nazareth on YouTube. Ha. It was great. Crying all over myself...
Anyway, those were my two tame little rebellious acts - staying up too late and skipping a class. And BOY did they ever make me feel good. (Gill's like... I'VE paraded around Milton with a 'possum on a stick, climbed the totem pole at the ROM and made Ms. Walsh's life a living hell! Not to mention the unmentionables! But whatever.) When I drink, I usually have one... when I lie I go red and start crying... when I skip a class I do it once every eleven years on average. But when I drive and the light turns yellow... you KNOW I speed through. And I frequently perform "rolling stops" at stop signs! I also eat past 8pm almost every night. I am SO cool and rebellious. That's what cool means, right? Rebellious? Well, rebellious and possibly an electric guitar player. Right? Who smokes. Half closed eyes? A leather jacket? I don't know, now I'm just describing Toby.
Starved for companionship... can't stop talking...
11 comments:
I was really rebellious on Sunday night. I was post-call, and grumpy. And I didn't feel like going to bed, even though I was tired. Nor did I feel like reading my Bible or doing anything that would have actually been good for me. So I stayed up till 12:30 and watched 5 episodes from season 1 of ER. Then I went to bed, and as I was lying there, I actually laughed out loud at how hilarious it was that my "rebellion" consisted of me staying up late and watching reruns of ER. I felt like God was looking at me the way a parent would look at a little kid trying to be rebellious in a really funny way.
I'd better not broadcast this too loudly...might get arrested or something.
i hope you don't mind OLD aunts reading your blog - i have wanted to comment a million times, but chickened out because ...well, just because...today i took a deep breath and took the plunge
i do love it, Bek...and you too.
xxoo
auntie jude!!! it's so good to hear from you! i'm so excited that you read this! you must think i'm a little crazy, though... but then again, you ARE my dad's sister, so you know where it's all coming from...
hopefully my own MOTHER will see your comment and decide to likewise "take the plunge"! Mom? Are you out there?
love to you and yours, auntie jude!
ahhah...ha. that was a classic.
cool post Reb(ellious).
Or Ellious for short. HA. Your new nickname is Ellius.
I haven't been that content in a long time--but I know how you feel and I'm so happy for you that your spirit is being fed a little too.
love
Oh- I SAW the set! I too, was being rebellious and staying up when I should've been in bed. Yeah, that Dan guy is awesome....you never expect it from him and then it's like, BAM!!
Ellius, you are HILARE! I laugh out loud at all your posts and feel so connected to you because you have that great "voice" that is exactly you.
I miss you. Can't wait til the Christmas holidays! Then we'll really get rebellious. I'm talkin' Scrabble, filming stuff for Claire, hot chocolate...you know, CRAZY stuff.
By the way, Dan and I played Scrabble today, and guess who won? Big Sis. OH yeah. I tried to act nonchalant, though. Right Dan?
IN YOUR FACE!!!! Hahahaha! or lol.
Hi Aunty Jude! keep commenting so we can hear from you- ever since I quit facebook I have missed the contact with you!
Alrighty all of you little rebels....
Ciao!
Think you're crazy?? crazy, Bek? Have you not spent enough time with my offspring to feel the familiar familial dna? It oozes out of every quirky pore. And of course we quite like (if I knew how on here I would italicize like) ourselves...
no, no, i love EVERY word and am constantly checking, hopeful that you've written something new
Gill, the loss of you from facebook is a tragedy I still haven't gotten over. :(
Yes, I would love to hear from your mama on here - or anywhere for that matter
Luvs to you all~ xxoo
by the way, claire d and I are playing scrabble on fb as we speak (smirk)
oh laugh it up Auntie Jewed (...not funny?)
You might be beating me by almost 200 points, but watch your back. I'm sneaky. I'm a Death.
a sensitive 'death' to it would appear - my smirk is not for you, silly, but rather to entice my beloved niece back to fb
but...now that you mentioned it, I am rather handily kicking your soon-to-be dam derriere :)
touche Geued, you've read me like a book. I might as well give up the game just as you might want to give up enticing them back to fb. It's useless. It actually strengthens their resolve.
oh my, i actually wrote "to" instead of "too"
aaaaaaarrrrrgggghhhh
I know this is an old post, but who cares. I love the 'rolling stop', or as urbandictionary.com likes to call it, 'stoptional'. Excellent.
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