It was an interesting lesson. The cool (and annoying) thing is that SHE can play parts of my pieces (having never played them in her life, but looking over them a couple times during the lesson) without looking. Now that I think about it, she OFTEN just looks around the room or even at us when she plays. She's phenomenal. As annoying as this new rule is, I feel SO blessed to have her as my teacher. I think it's a perfect fit, and I admire her a lot! Very, very different from my last experience, and I'm still getting used to that and trying to believe it's really true!
Anyway, she said any bloke off the street could do it (play simple leaps without looking) and that it's all in my mind that it's too hard. I guess I can see that. It's amazing how much of what I'm learning from her is simply about BODY technique - playing from the core - how to hold yourself/not hold yourself - which muscles to use - how to be grounded on the floor - how to be aware of your surroundings, etc. I'm amazed at how this stuff changes the way I play. But it's FRUSTRATING to learn! I feel like I'm learning to walk all over again, and it's frustrating and humbling.
I was mostly laughing on the outside, but frustrated on the inside. Of course, she can see that. She says, "I can see you're angry! That's good! That's good!" Ha ha... I felt like I was in a movie or a counseling session or something. I still don't know WHY the anger was good, though. All I know is if I have to play my Schubert (my hardest piece) without looking at my hands, I might as well drop out of school right now!
But can you IMAGINE if I could learn to do this?! I might as well join the circus. Which I've ALWAYS secretly wanted to do (but maybe not so secretly since I'm proclaiming it on the world wide web).
Tonight I had a little session in the percussion studio - it was pretty boring, because a lot of the larger instruments were being used somewhere else (and because my trio is for flute and not percussion, but we all had to go regardless!). After the session we had fun jamming on the different instruments. There are some kids at school that I REALLY like.
It is SO surreal that I'm actually in university for music. I still find it kind of hilarious.
Anyway, that flute trio I mentioned DOES have to be done (rough draft) by the end of the night, so I'd better see to it!
3 comments:
meh. you've been saying you suck and you're going to do horribly since day one and I've only seen and heard you improve tremendously, so I'm not taking you seriously anymore.
I believe that's it crazy what she's asking and you must be incredibly frustrated, but I have no doubt whatsoever that you will accomplish it and accomplish it well.
you've made phenomenal leaps in 2 and half months. I can't wait to see the progress in 5 months, or 2 and a half years!
you can't fool me missy--you're talented and determined. You can do anything.
thanks for the encouragement, clairice. i haven't ever said i SUCKED was going to do horribly, though! that would be so sad! it's just that i'm at the bottom of the laurier barrel so to speak. i KNOW i've improved, and i'm really happy about that! it's just that it never seems to quite measure up to everyone else. it's really a case of needing to be totally humble and know the truth about how i'm doing vs. what others may think of me compared to the school's standards! i just need to somehow swallow my pride and NOT COMPARE. it's just a really embarrassing and discouraging challenge at times, that's all. and being evaluated on it all is great, too... and the fact that it will affect my future career isn't daunting at ALL...
love you Bek!
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