I just remembered I ate a maggot once

Accidentally, of course.  Remember, Ken and Claire?  Ken ate one too.  He pretended he didn't care, but there is no WAY that's true.  It was disgusting.  Oh, and now that I think about it, it wasn't a MAGGOT as much as a larvae.  Larva?  Which is it?  They don't teach us stuff like that in the music program.

On to better things...

Oh my goodness, I am TELLING you, it is SO GORGEOUS around here.  The colours, the light... today I was walking just as the sun was setting, and the light was hitting the tops of things, but the moon was also starting to shine.  It was AWESOME!  I get so excited when I'm around nature - all I want to do is hurl myself into it or nestle with it or embrace it all.  I actually physically feel that - like a rush of adrenaline that ALMOST thrusts me into the bushes or what have you.  But so far I've restrained myself.  I also like to stop and smell things.  Somebody, please stop winter from coming!!!

It was so cool at one point - I was coming down a hill with a pond below, and the angle of the sun was such that it made my shadow cover the entire pond, and up into the surrounding field, like a GIANT was approaching or something!  It was great.

In other news, please pray for me if you feel so inclined.  I'm having a rough time this week, wrestling through all the familiar stuff.  I feel like time is closing in on me, and I'm not improving as quickly as I would have hoped (though I'm improving more than ever in my life so far -  it's all about comparing myself to the other kids).  The thing that sucks is that I have to continue to put myself out there publicly again and again, no matter WHAT stage I'm at (and no matter what stage EVERYONE ELSE in my masterclass is at).  

All I want to do is hide away until April and perform for everybody THEN.  I know I'll be doing great by then!  One of the (really nice) prodigies in my masterclass is working on 10 pieces this year (I'm doing 3).  He is sooo GOOD.  And he says HE'S intimidated by how good everyone else is.  The cute (but scary) thing is that a few students have now committed to barge in on me when they see me in a practice room and force me to perform for them.  Two of these kids are the performance STARS of my year.  Sigh... I know it's for the best.  Those of you who live in the Hammer... please force me to play for you.  PLEASE.  It will be painful for me, because nothing is polished or even fully learned yet... but it will help me.  I have to perform again in my masterclass in 2 weeks.

Oh, and something else that is TERRIFYING but kind of cool, too...

Somehow I've ended up being part of a piano night in November which is a combination of performances and improvisations.  Since my piano instructor is the one on the faculty who focuses on improv, she's having most of her students perform.  Now, I was NOT, in her mind, going to be one of the performers, of course.  I'm in no way ready for that - you should HEAR some of the improvisations these kids are capable of!!!  But then, right at the end of our masterclass, she asked us what we were missing (we had a couple free improvisations [free, to non-musicians, equals bizarre and dissonant], a bluesy one, and a kind of mainstream poppy one).  So I said we were missing something less Western.  So tells me to get on the piano and show what I mean.  So I start playing something on the Gypsy scale.  They all laugh and say it sounds like Aladin or Prince of Egypt.  She asks what could be added, and I say voice would be great (of course, not thinking any of this is going anywhere).  She asks if I know anyone, and before I can SHUT MYSELF UP, I say I could do it!  So she makes me sing and play.  

Honestly, for those of you who know me well and have heard me do this kind of thing at Eyes to Zion or whatever, you'd think what I did SUCKED.  But somehow everyone thought it was cool (probably because they're not used to hearing it).  So long story short, I'm performing in the recital hall ON THE STEINWAY with a mic at this concert, doing a Middle Eastern improvisation.  I AM VERY, VERY SCARED.  I nearly soiled my pants yesterday.

On the other hand, like I said before - this is the kind of thing I'd do at a worship night or at Eyes to Zion at the drop of a hat, not feeling nervous at all!  It's just because... when you HEAR what these people are playing, my simple little gypsy scale is in a whole other category.

So yes... midterms during the next 2 weeks, a masterclass performance, a choir concert, and this improv performance.

Oh, but good news - after 9 assignments so far, I'm getting a 99% in theory!  I wouldn't normally be so bold about my marks, but when you feel like the runt of the litter, something like this seems worth reporting.  Theory is the best... ACADEMICS!  I can DO academics!

I am so excited (or should I say thankful?) for this weekend, even though I'll have to study for most of it!

I love you guys.  Thanks for caring.