Face Your Fear

In my whole life, I've never cried as much as I've cried since moving here.  That sounds horrible, but trust me, it's good.  And it's always better for me to be actually feeling things, because I have a tendency to go numb when things get too hard.  So this is GOOD.  Really good!  I don't see barely any good coming out of it RIGHT NOW... but it's easy to look to the future, maybe even the near future, and see that these things I'm learning and struggling through are going to pay off.  And if not in this life - definitely in eternity!  But I'm pretty sure it will be both.

I kind of mentioned this in a response to a comment from Claire on another post, so sorry if you're reading this twice, but... today I bought a book called "Face Your Fear" by a Rabbi... on the cover it says "banish fear by connecting to what is rock solid and eternal".  He quotes Scripture all the way through - it's awesome.  I stood there in Chapters, in the self-help section (so embarrassing - but not as embarrassing as standing in the Fantasy/Science Fiction section -am I right, Claire?), reading through all the captions in italics on each page... and I was blown away.  As ashamed as I was to bring a big FACE YOUR FEAR book to the counter, I knew I had to get it.  I'm really excited to read it!  I wish I could get instant results from it, though... like, for TOMORROW.

Yup, tomorrow is the day I play those Bartok Bulgarian dances at my master class... then do a skills midterm immediately afterwards.  AAAAAAH!  

Here are some quotes from the book:

"No outside force has the power to make me afraid.  Fear is a wholly internal emotion based entirely on personal choice."

"Every lesson fear can teach us would be better learned through love."

"Fear is used as a justification for stagnation."

"When you claim that you have no control over fear, no choice in the matter, you are dehumanizing yourself, choosing a slave mentality.  Choose life."

"No living being can overcome fear without a healthy connection to the eternal."

"Bowing your head in fear and allowing your insecurities to dominate you is an act of disrespect."

"Fear bends us out of shape.  But the Messiah will stand straight.  He will know no fear.  And the capacity to be brave is the Messianic spark that lurks within each of us."

Those of you who know me well know that I'm hopelessly drawn to epic movies and books with great heros... my favourite stories are those of regular people who become warriors or kings, who understand honour and brotherhood and live life to the fullest and stand for righteousness, whatever the cost.  I know that God intends for all of us to actually live this way.  This is the Kingdom.  This is Messiah in us.  This is where I'm headed... 

I know it seems ridiculous to apply such grand theology to a fear of playing the piano in front of people.  But ultimately we're talking destiny here... this is the beginning stage of who knows what!  And I know that these little situations in life prepare us for bigger stuff.  If I can't find victory here, how do I expect to find it when it REALLY matters?

I think I need to read Hinds Feet on High Places for the billionth time.  In my SPARE TIME... which is now officially used up!